It’s inevitable, change. And when change happens, two things happen: you gain something, you lose something. What hit me hard was the loss in the change…
It’s been a while since I’ve sat with the blank screen in front of me because, well, there have been a ton of life changes. The last time I wrote, I was back in California; today, I’m (almost) settled into a home in Florida.
It’s been a complete whirlwind. One that I’m not exactly sure I’ll have all the words to explain, but I’m going to give it a try.
My original plan, which many people don’t really know, was to go back to Texas in April 2020. I was headed home for the holidays, some family events, turn in my leased car, and then hop on a plane with a one-way ticket back to Texas.
Why? I couldn’t give you a reason; it was just something I thought I was supposed to do.
But when the opportunity to come to Florida for a year presented itself, I said yes, much to the surprise of family, friends, and (two months later) myself.
At the moment, it felt like the right thing to do, and even when the wave of doubt tries to drown me, somewhere deep inside, I still know I made the right decision.
Still, my plan wasn’t to come to Florida until the end of January because there were a lot of things I had planned to do, like, enjoy the holidays, pack up my life, say goodbye to my friends, take my time.
All the things.
I drove out of California, December 29th. I had two weeks, and then I was gone.
The anxiety that I spent all year learning how to fight against started creeping in, and I struggled underneath the surface.
I argued with my dad (the culprit for moving up the date), and he said this phrase that stuck in the back of my head and nestled into my heart, but I didn’t want to acknowledge, until now-
“YOU’RE FEELING THE LOSS IN THE CHANGE.”
The loss in the change.
Change can be many things; it can be good, it can be bad, it can be neutral, but one thing you can always count on is that change will happen. We don’t notice it in the day-to-day, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
We do, however, recognize when significant changes happen because there’s a loss, even in a good way; just like when summer transitions to fall, we feel the loss of the sun and its warmth earlier.
This move from California to Florida, I know it was a good change; I mean, I have a list of pros written out in my journal because it wasn’t a decision that I made lightly.
But the loss is real, deep, and can be a little overwhelming, even when the change is a good thing.
The loss of familiarity, friendships, and family overpowers the excitement of the new (my word for January) change at times- it’s not all sunshine and roses, even if I only share the moments that are.
And there, in the middle of all the change, I find that loss and joy commingle.
Here’s what’s truly on my heart to share with you:
We don’t have to have it all together all the time.
It’s okay to take things one day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. Process the loss, but don’t let it steal the joy of all that is happening, and all that is going to happen.
The change is what we make of it. We can find the good in it, or we can focus on the loss in the change.
It’s up to us.
If you’re wondering what I’ve decided to do, I’ve chosen to walk through both. To process the loss and take joy in the new daily things, like sudden rainstorms or the 40-degree weather that I didn’t know Florida had.
It turns out the middle isn’t so bad after all.