We’re always after the next thing, aren’t we? Constantly upgrading our phone, adding to our closet, following people on social media for new content. But what happens if we choose to live in the moment and let that be good enough? What happens if we simply live in the enough?
I sent this email out to my email friends this week but had the feeling that someone else might need this encouragement. So, if you’re struggling with trusting Jesus right now, then pull up a seat and let me chat for a second because you are not alone.
The weather forecast called for storms all week, so we made the most of the sunny Saturday afternoon and went to the beach. I brought the book that had been sitting on my nightstand for a while but I hadn’t opened, intent on doing this #selfcare thing because it had been a long week.
Now, I don’t know if you have a place where every time you go, Jesus meets you there, but for me, it’s always the beach. The combination of the sound of the waves and the knowledge of just how immense the ocean is, always gets me. Sometimes in an overwhelmingly good way that reminds me that the One who tells the waves where to stop, is always thinking about me. And sometimes it breaks me in a way that only Jesus can. Please, please someone tell me I’m not the only one…
It was there as I sat reading the words Jess Connolly penned in “You Are The Girl For The Job“, the waves crashing and the sun warming my face, where Jesus met me.
Walking through the story of Moses (one of my favorites), she pointed out how often Moses had doubted God could use him and that his constant doubt had a consequence. It never disqualified him, but the consequence was pretty big– He wasn’t able to walk into the Promised Land.
And this is where the words really hit hard. Jess writes,
God warned him he wouldn’t see the end of this road before dying, and Moses didn’t fight Him. I wonder if Moses relented because, in hindsight, he could see the severity of his doubt in God’s power and ability. Even though he knew he was wildly special to God, did Moses also feel regret over the moments when he could have trusted Him more?
It was there, that line, that made me stop and stare out at the waves for a while fighting back every emotion.
Because I know the same could be said of me.
Here’s what I need to clue you in on so you can fully understand why it hit me the way that it did. For several weeks I’ve had this quote on my heart, “Trust Him deeper today than you did yesterday”. (Hence why A Deeper Pursuit has been so heavy on my heart since the start of this new decade).
I thought I could honestly say I had been trusting Him deeper and deeper. But even as the prayer that leaped from my heart was to trust Him more, I hesitated before writing in the margins, “Jesus, help me to trust You MORE”.
Ya’ll I HESITATED.
And so, me being me, I had to break down that hesitation. The internal conversation went a little something like this,
“Jesus, why am I hesitating to write down these words? I know I trust You; I know that there are some areas where I could probably trust You better, and I’m trying, truly. So I don’t know, well, maybe it’s just that, I’m having a hard time right now. And I almost feel like if I write down this prayer to trust You more, that it’s going to be like praying for patience and right now I don’t think I can handle a situation that would require that kind of trust. Because I’m over here trying my absolute best for You, Jesus. And I’m trying not to be hurt by the things that I’ve been praying for for my whole life that are happening for others, and I’m happy for them, truly, but I’m still over here trying to figure out why I’m here and not there…”
I’m going to stop there because otherwise, you would be staring at your screen for a solid hour or two. But I do want to share what happened after I stopped talking.
An emotion I don’t know what to name entered my heart. I think it was really a culmination of emotions. It stole away the anger but left the heartache of unanswered prayers with a tinge of trust and hope. And as I stood at the ocean’s edge, the waves drawing me deeper, that trust and hope overwhelmed the ache and it hit me, “You’re right here with me, still writing my story aren’t You?”
For that moment, it was enough and as I took a deep breath, I heard it, “And that’s where I want you to be- in the moment”.
I don’t have a huge revelation or some life-altering advice, so I apologize if you’ve read all the way through and this is a huge letdown. But what I am going to do is share what I’m doing moving forward: I’m living in the moments. Trusting Him moment by moment. Letting the moments where He meets me and overwhelms me with His love be enough until the next moment.
It might mean more trips to the beach, but I think I’m okay with that 😉
Since I’ve taken up quite a bit of your time here today, I’ll wrap it up here with a quick 1, 2, 3-
- Find the place where He meets you.
- Live in the moments that are enough.
- And keep drawing on them until the next moment happens.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you friend.